Do you see it my way…

I find I’m always second-guessing myself. Last weekend couldn’t have been better until Sunday. I was happy and thought C and I were on the same page! Since the beginning of that week, CM had proposed that I stay at his Sunday night, which really excited me because he was actually making an effort. I ended up staying Thursday also his idea and Friday, which was mine. On Friday and Saturday, I had events and he knew my weekend plans, Sunday I had a game, engagement party and then a dinner with Mon, then I was going home to C’s or so I thought.

Sunday morning, C decided that he would invite me to T’s Birthday party at the last minute when he knew I wouldn’t be able to attend. Credit to him he did invite me to his mother’s birthday at Waiheke but he couldn’t tell me when or anything. I was messaging him until I got to hockey, at this stage everything was still lined up for going to his that night. I played my game, attended the engagement party and M’s dinner.

As I said my goodbyes, I walked down to my car getting excited because I get to see C. On my way, I messaged him asking if he wanted anything, to which I received a phone call. C decided it was a good time to tell me that he was at the casino with his mother, they were meant to go to dinner in Orewa, but decided to go to the casino instead, “ go and make yourself at home and I’ll see you soon”. I wasn’t particularly happy about it but I thought “hey he’s injured and hasn’t been out in a while”, so I let it go as he made it seem like he would be home in a couple hours. I packed my stuff just leaving what I needed out for the morning, gave T his present, tidied C’s room, put K to bed, got myself ready for bed.  I would go to sleep as he would be home soon (roughly 9.30pm) I went to sleep listening to the cars thinking each one that I heard pull into their street was them, I was able to contain my feeling as I thought he would be home soon.

I wouldn’t have gone to Coles if I had known he wasn’t intending to come home. Instead, I feel like a dick staying at his house when I have my own place to go home too. I had no reason to be there, for him to make me wait pissed me off, I had things I needed to do but instead I put him first because he is important to me and for some stupid reason I thought I was important to him.

I am awoken by Cole and I can start to feel my blood boil, I lay there and don’t say anything. He has a shower mean while he hasn’t turned his phone on silent and it starts to go off, again my blood boils, who is messaging you at this time? He comes out of the shower gets into bed and has nothing to say for himself, he tries to cuddles me and I tell him “I don’t want cuddles from you”, he shuffles across says nothing and starts to go to sleep. I lay there for two minutes waiting for him to say something, anything.

I can’t do it, in the past I would have reacted and lost it! I decided to get up with a remark from C “Are you hot?”, my reply “No, I’m going home”. I pack the last of my gear in my handbag and leave. At this point I thought he might at least try and say something as I am about to open the door “Do you need help with your stuff?”, with all my strength to stay calm all I can say is “No, thank you”. At 1am in the morning I am driving home he let me drive home, he didn’t even attempt to stop me, I get home thinking until I finally fall asleep.

I wake up in the morning, go to work and then I get a message which to me is a kick in the face. It was a weak poor excuse with a half ass apology. If he had told me that his parents were having a fight I would have gone home, sure, I would have been a tad annoyed because he changed the plan without telling me but I would have understood. He was looking after his Mum, a good cover up, as he loves the casino. He has a problem with gambling but it would have been fine because he would be spending his mother’s money not his (this is how he thinks, not me). This isn’t the first time he has changed plans for the casino over me. The point is if he had communicated this situation, we wouldn’t be how we are now.

I don’t know if I am over reacting or playing the victim I just feel used and unimportant. Moreover, to top it off he still doesn’t think he has done anything wrong, tried to turn it around by saying “I thought you would be fine with anytime I got in, obviously I was being a little hopeful”. I haven’t heard from him since, well I guess this is the end because I refuse to contact him. I would never make someone feel like this intentional, before it got to this point I would have communicated the situation:


Mum and dad had a fight, mum wanted to get out of the house I went with her to make sure she was ok. I don’t think I will be home early so we will catch up next week.

That’s all it would of taken. I don’t think that unreasonable. Or am I?